Who am I?

You will ask me what the relationship between happiness and self awareness is. Happiness and self awareness are interrelated........

I've been asking these questions for a long time, and I'm still in the process of finding the right answers.

Let's answer the second question, who am I?

I'm a a young lady, a mother for three kids, a teacher and a writer who has all the means of happiness, but believes that happiness is beyond what she has.. How is that?

I know, I know.... I will be exaggerating if I say, I'm miserable, because I'm not. But I always feel that there's a secret ingredient missing in my life. This ingredient will bring me the required happiness, and I have to find it. It might be adventure, self love or gratitude....I'm just confused to find the right answer.

First of all, let's share the means of happiness and try together to find the secret ingredient that is missing.

Needless to say, I'm really grateful for what I already have, I just know there is more...

I'm grateful to have:

1. love

2. family

3. job

4. money ( enough)

What else would I possibly need to be happy? Is it fame, success, or power?

Though I'm a successful teacher, I always miss the sense of accomplishment. I don't know if the profession itself is not that rewarding in our countries,( but this is something else I will talk about later)

I have a special relation with my students, they love me a lot and I really love them and care about them, In class, I try my best to be the best role model for my students. I motivate them to become the best versions of themselves without imposing my ideas. I encourage them to have the grit, and teach them not to give up on their dreams. I show them that they always have the choice and they can choose the best. I even guide them to learn from their mistakes and never consider mistakes as failures.

And because our society is based on judgments, I persuade them not to consider people's negative opinions about them as facts. I say: “Others’ bad opinions of you, don't make you who you are. They aren't facts. They are what others think and believe of you. Don't believe...”

Sometimes, I even overreact with my advice and lectures, in a way that makes me wonder, who am I trying to communicate with? My students? or my inner self?

In the process of looking for the secret ingredient of happiness, I couldn't stop myself from asking this important question: What is happiness to me?

One of the articles I read mentioned that everyone defines happiness in his own terms. Money, fame and success can be happiness for some while others define it by being love and family.

So...I needed to define happiness in my own terms.

This process wasn't as easy as you might think, especially for a person -like me- who was not that good with the term self awareness or emotional intelligence.

For this reason, I had to read many books about happiness, emotional intelligence, and controlling thoughts. YES, I had to read a book about controlling thoughts, because I would have a hurricane of thoughts in my mind when I'm annoyed that would turn me into a real mess.

I even joined a course on coursera called: “A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment."

In fact, I thought I needed to control my thoughts and my emotions to maintain inner peace. The thing I was deprived of, and turned my world into fog.....

Everything in my life was vague, and unclear, as if I was walking in a foggy place.

After this all, what was the result?

Well, after the hard work of writing so many journals about self observation. And after reading many books, in addition to the beneficial course, I realized that happiness to me was represented in power.

Following the tips I learned from many different sources, I discovered what energizes me and puts me in the state of flow: It is the art of writing. That is why I'm writing this post now.

All that alone, wasn't as encouraging as you might think.......Deep deep inside me, there were still unhealed wounds from a hard childhood and disappointing breakups of a teenager. This all made me feel, rejected, broken and unlovable, which wasn't true at all.

How can I heal a bleeding wound?

I always pretended that I was strong and was wounds free. I also lied about overcoming the disappointments, the sad memories, and the feeling of loss and self despise.

Why would I despise myself anyway?

I don't even know myself very well to decide whether to love it or despise it.

I have to teach the impatient person inside me to:

· Wait, because everything happens at the right time.

· accept the fact that she can't control everything around her

I also had to remind her that there were many people in the world who are praying to have the things she took for granted.

Well, I have many other lessons to teach her, and I still have time.

At least we discovered the secret ingredient of her happiness, writing. That's why I will do my best to write at any time and all times.

So, even if we are not as happy as we want to be yet, we will be happy sooner than we think as long as we are committed to writing.

In conclusion, if you want to be happy you have to:

1. Know yourself

2. Love yourself and accept yourself fully

3. Do what energizes you and fill you with enthusiasm

4. Be grateful for what you have

5. Laugh at your mistakes, don't be drama queens as I used to be.

Emotional intelligence 2.0

A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment

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